A Conversation

In my last years in the classroom, I was asked to be an instructional coach.  I jumped!  I wanted to do this!  Here's my exploration of why and of what my expectations included. Writing this piece helped me clarify why I 'jumped' at the opportunity to coach.   (But the challenge was that no relief of school responsibilities was offered and no additional money.  It proved to be difficult for me to increase my job responsibilities to add instructional coach. I thought of Virginia Wulff -- she needed "a room of one's own." )  1. Do I want to be an instructional  coach? why or why not? Women who don't feel attractive often will look at their friends and offer positive commentary in the hopes that the friends will reciprocate.   People insecure with how they parent their child will sometimes turn to a friend and complement their parenting, hoping, again, that there will be reciprocity. A discovery I made is that even when not reciprocated, I ...

I’ve also noticed something about myself.    When one lesson said, “Here’s 15 ways to xxxx”    I clicked and went on ahead with abandon, looking at everything.    When the lesson said, “Here’s 72 links to xxxx”    I could feel the curtain fall over my face.    72!    SeVEnTY-TwO! I still have not clicked there. So, this led me to wonder what my personal numeric limit is.    And, of course, what the student numeric limit is.    Cognitive load is the current buzz-phrase, but I didn’t even want to click there because of * anticipating * cognitive over-load!    I will start my courses with a    minimum of tech tools and a minimum of “clicks” so students do not have the same curtain falling over their faces. Right now, the market/internet/etc is simply flooded with many, many apps, programs and opportunities.    It’s chaotic.    Several apps or links will rise to the top in...

"I've been a teacher for over 30 years and I connected with none of your stories.  None." I was at a loss. Really?  None?  Did teachers have such vastly different experiences or feelings than I did? "Wow, how so?" I was genuinely disarmed and curious at the same time. "Only one kid threw a desk?  I have multiple kids throwing desks every day."  I bit my lip.  "And only one death?  And from natural causes?"  She threw out a "HA," kind of sarcastic laugh.  Meekly, I said, "No, I had other kids die. I just chose that one."  "From overdoses?  From drive-by shootings?  Suicide?"  I felt as though a bucket of ice was dropped on my head.  "I teach in the valley. Your experience was so foreign to me."   I let that hang in the air a minute.  "Oh, please record and write about your experience.  It's important."  "Ha," again, that sarcastic laugh.  "I'll never do that."  ...

 Was it a myth?   "We began to question whether this really happened," said Emily.  Then Natalie texted us all.  "In case you were wondering if armpit hair can survive over 30 years...." I'm not sure what's funnier: the idea of a card with hairs on it or keeping said card with hairs for over thirty years.  

 Dear Mrs. Mariner,  Hope you've been doing well!  I recently finished your short stories from Backward and Blind , and I thoroughly enjoyed reading all your teaching adventures!  Part of me wishes I heard more of these stories in middle and high school, but perhaps I wouldn't have been mature enough to appreciate them.  One of my favorites was the feminism debate story.  I felt inspired by how you were a role model not only in the classroom, but also just in the world as a well informed citizen.  I can only imagine how impactful this leadership was for your students then, where gender discrimination still pervaded the atmosphere.  I also enjoyed the stories about the swim meet and leg hairs and the poisonous plant, and I smiled seeing Pascal's triangle make yet another appearance in my life.  Understanding how you made an impact on your students' education (and beyond) made me grateful for your coaching MathCounts.  Maybe I already had ...

 I feel so flattered and warmed by friends' responses. I'm not sure what I expected, but I did not intend this additional feeling of awkwardness. A dear friend who lives in Utah asked her book club if they wanted to read this book; they did. I asked her to please let me know how the book group went. My friend wrote, "Our book group last night went great!! They loved your book and loved hearing my personal stories of how amazing you are.  They loved the short vignette chapters of your book because it made it so they could read it in smaller pieces around their schedules.  They think you are an amazing warrior who sees something that needs to be done and does it, rather than just thinking that it's always been this way so it won't change, or waiting for someone else to lead the way.  They mentioned several quotes they liked. I don't remember them all, but one was near the end of the book where you said something about allowing people to change and not be the pers...

 A dear old friend writes:  I got your book for Christmas yesterday and finished reading it this morning! I loved it! It was fun to fit the pieces of what I knew from our time together into the rest of your history. The part about being open to gardening wisdom from Barbara was especially meaningful to me because you allowed my children to cut some of those beautiful flowers from your yard to give to me at the hospital after you had cared for my older 2 children while I had my 3rd baby. The flowers were so lovely and you had already done so much for me in caring for my children, that it felt over the top for you to do something so kind and personal -- and my kids were so pleased to get to give them to me.   Thanks for all you have done for me even after we no longer lived near each other -- for the encouragement you gave me with my son's cancer and for the help you gave me getting up to speed in competition math. You made a huge impact on my life and I wasn't even a ...

A reader retired from private school life writes me:  "I have to tell you that I'm laughing out loud already, even though I just started your book."  (Two days pass) "Ok now I'm really laughing! You had to shave your legs and armpits as promised! I once offered to shave my head if they ever won the championship game.  It motivated them, but they still lost.  I kept my hair."  (Another day passes) "OMG we really have to talk one day. The name of our 5k running/walking team to raise money for cancer research is called the Forest Bathers!"  Another reader who teaches in public schools:  "I have stories, too, that will make you laugh.  My colleagues do as well. Could you please write them all down for us?  Let's talk!  We need these stories recorded.  This could be your next book." The community of teaching professionals may be fragmented by school, region, or philosophy, but there's a commonality of experiences.  One reader commen...

Did you see the movie? Three different former students texted me when "Nyad" came out on Netflix this year, and somehow I knew exactly which movie they were talking about.  Then Natalie texted: Emily, Fern, and I think she's badass, but not as badass as you. I sighed.  I was not as badass as the badass of all time in the water.  I don't blow a trumpet, and I don't swim over 100 miles in one workout.  I sent a text back with something to that effect.  But you beat that brain tumor.   It was hard to respond to that one.   You wrote to us when she completed the swim. Do you remember that?   I did not.  You sent us her three messages that she spoke on the beach when she finished. Oh yes, that sounds like me. Once a coach, always a coach. Those were good messages.  Her messages, paraphrased:  1. Never give up.  2. You're never too old.  3. Swimming is a team effort. 

 "You know, Cathy lives in Seoul," one of the women who swam on the team I coached in the 1980's reports.  I had seen Cathy's enthusiastic Facebook posts about being a swim coach, traveling internationally, and connecting well with high schoolers. There's little that energizes me more than seeing a former student take on a role similar to one I assumed, especially when she excels and moves beyond what I ever did.   Paul and I were traveling to Korea so he could participate in an international meeting in Busan. We were to fly in and out of Seoul, making our own way by train to the southeastern coast. It seemed like tacking on a day or two in Seoul could really happen.  I sent Cathy a Facebook message. Even though nearly thirty years had passed since I had seen her, I knew that we would jump right back into a friendship.  She answered my message immediately and began making plans.  Arrival at the security gate at the school, the official needed verificat...

I can't travel to the Pacific Northwest to witness Jack's ordination into the Catholic Deaconate in preparation for the priesthood, but he sends me a link. I'm really interested; I've been deeply moved to see his growth from a distressed fifteen-year-old to a thoughtful man leading a meaningful life of service. I also long to see how his story progresses beyond what I started to discuss in Backward and Blind,  so I click.  There's the image of a Renaissance painting on the static screen accompanied by the sound of a woman's voice, repeating a well-known verse.  " ...Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus,... "Hail Mary full of grace,...."  "...In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen..." ..."Blessed are you,..."  The gentle Hail Marys are spoken clearly, slowly, with feeling as I hear people filter into the chapel. I lose count at how many, it's clearly a delightfully calming routine that gathers us al...

Dana's family story is included near the end of Backward and Blind.   Since the birth of her two children, we've stayed in closer touch; I've so enjoyed seeing photos of the grins and growth of her son and daughter.  "I'd love to have you visit sometime," I said on the phone about a year ago.   "We'd love to see you too," Dana added.  "Albuquerque has an amazing hot-air balloon fiesta the first week of October, annually.  Upwards of five-hundred hot air balloons take off early in the morning -- we could go walk around as they set up and rise into the air.  The kids would love it."  I almost could hear her eyebrows rising.  "Google it," I suggested.   Several weeks later, she texted with dates.  "Are these dates okay for a visit?"   I was beside myself.  Dana was now a well-established mother, successful professional, and fun friend. She lives an airplane flight from my home city.  She'd really come visit her...

The stories in the book, Backward and Blind  (Available through Amazon ), are rooted in true events.  Over time, the tales morph a little with each telling. Further, names and some pieces of the stories are adjusted to maintain privacy and to protect the identity of the individuals in the book.   A few of the stories are yet to have endings about the featured vibrant young people.  The entries in this blog are intended to continue the stories beyond the text and whenever possible to answer the biggest question, "Where are they now?"  To that end, this blog is maintained with posts that update communications and interactions with former students identified in the book.  Another goal of this blog is include a conversation about the value of teaching. I plan to record relevant messages and thoughts I've received from readers.  This specific post answers common questions that arise from the stories in the text. Additional posts in this blog supplement...

Link to Jean A. Miller Mariner's webpage: www.JeanAMillerMariner.com   Raised in New England, Jean A. Miller Mariner moved to Colorado for her first teaching assignment at an independent residential high school. That led to more than thirty years at six different schools teaching middle-school through college-level math and psychology courses, all while rearing three children with her beloved husband. With a Bachelor of Arts from Oberlin and a Master of Arts in Teaching from Colorado College, she also coached swimming, math, and debate competitions; organized community service activities; served as a dorm parent; and wrote for a textbook company. Splitting her time between the mountains of rural Maine and the mountains of the southwest, she identifies as part Southwesterner and part New Englander. Now retired to a wealth of new life experiences, she has revived interests in writing, mountain biking, open water swimming, traveling, fabric arts, and volunteering for a local food pant...